Together, but not together, and she is fresh out of ideas.
“So we’re dating, but…we’re not saying that we’re dating?” She asks, brows furrowing as she tries to understand. “I don’t get it. What’s the point?”
He has been gazing – no, not gazing, staring – at her for the past few minutes, silently, though the look in his eyes screams of distance. Her eyes find familiarity in his face as he searches for an answer. There’s a loose curl hanging in front of the barely noticeable scar on his forehead. Unthinkingly, she reaches out to tuck it back. He doesn’t move away, but he doesn’t react, either.
“I love you.”
As if that’s his answer.
She frowns. Not out of sadness or disgust, but confusion. Well, mostly confusion.
“But you love her, too.”
It’s not a question, but a statement, and his eyes shift away for the first time since he finished the phone call. He shrugs, looking somehow defeated and combative at the same time. “I love a lot of people.”
“Well, so do I,” She replies, trying desperately not to hiss the words through her teeth. “but I don’t tell them. I don’t talk to them that way. Not like that.”
The last three thoughts come out more quickly, more jumbled, than she had meant. With more intensity than she had anticipated. She sighs, trying to gather her thoughts and her breath. She realizes that her fists are clenched at her sides, so she slowly unclenches them, trying to make the motions seem involuntary. Not that he believes that they are, but she might trick herself into believing they are.
“It’s complicated. You know that, I told you that.”
He’s trying to explain, in his own way. He doesn’t want to hurt her, but now he’s too scared of his own emotions to look her in the eye. He’s afraid she’ll see what he’s thinking. Not that he doesn’t care, but that he cares too much. He can’t give himself away like she can – like she has. He admires her for that, but he’s starting to think that it won’t be enough. It won’t ever be enough.
There’s a long silence before either of them speak. Before either of them move again.
“Ok.” She says, finally breaking the silence. “Ok.”
His head jerks up sharply, and he looks at her, searching for any hint of reserve. “Ok?”
She nods – maybe a little too enthusiastically -- forcing her mouth into an awkward smile, trying to shake off the tension still gripping her shoulders. And she thinks to herself, If you can be that way, so can I.
(day two prompt: a couple)
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