pull me out from inside

I feel like I am getting better at being better. Slowly. Inch by inch.

I drink more water (though right now I'm drinking hot chocolate, cause I got cold.) I talk to my friends and family more often. I do WiiFit more often. I've been reading more, instead of staring at the computer screen. It isn't exactly a more movement-oriented change, but at least I feel like I'm actually focusing my brain, instead of just zoning out and clicking.

I haven't yet focused enough to either plan meals, but I'm working towards it. I think getting a notebook/notepad specifically for doing such a thing may help. Because I just LOVE filling out forms. Oh yes, it's true. I so very much do love it. No, for reals, y'all.

Saturday I spent all day at home, trying to make apple chips and doing laundry (and a little bit of cleaning.) The second batch actually turned out pretty well, and got Nate's stamp of approval. I'll try and make more soon. Sunday morning Nate had a work meeting at 8am (ewwww!) I met him afterwards and we walked over to meet his cousin Jeremy and Jeremy's girlfriend, Becky, for brunch at a place called cyclops. It looked cool, and wasn't very crowded, but the Mango-Coconut French toast was kind of dry. I'm all for not putting syrup ALL OVER my breakfast, but without it, there's wasn't much moisture in the bread, or enough moisture in the mangos to make up for a lack of moisture elsewhere. But it wasn't really about the food, it was mostly about talking and hanging out. It was fun. It's always nice to see familiar faces.

If you follow my Tumblr or my Twitter, you've seen the occasional posts from the handwriting challenge I stole from my sister. I have to say, after writing all these posts out with the extra fine-tip Sharpies, I love my handwriting when I'm using them. I think this one is my favorite, although that might be because I just love the song so much.

(i also really like not capitalizing sentences, for some reason. maybe it makes me feel like a rebel?)

This week is actually supposed to be nice (or, at least not rainy,) here in Seattle. If it didn't get dark so early, I'd take advantage. But wandering around downtown after dark, there isn't much to do.

-C

higher and higher and higher

I am doing well with my New Year's Pacts I made with myself. I contacted my best friends, Leslie, Jessamyn and Megan, yesterday and they all seem really excited about being in contact more! I'm so in love with this new communication thing, I get super-giddy every time I see I have an e-mail, hoping it's something from my friends. I have a gift planned, but I need to have enough money to afford it. As soon as I'm allowed to spend the money, it will be no longer a plan but a reality! Yay!

Next step is contacting Yahtzee members, who I consider to be some of my dearest friends, but who I don't speak to very often. I'm excited about this as well, especially since I had to miss the wedding in FL at New Year's.

The final step is contacting my sister. I love her so much, and I'm so proud of her, but there is a rift between us that occurred when we started growing up more and started being best friends less. I remember a time when she used to tell me everything...back in the days when I ripped her dollar and we used to use the video camera to film EVERYTHING. I miss her.

Let's see how I'm doing on the rest of my resolutions:

1. Stop being lazy. I have been doing better. I've been playing some on the Wii. It's gone back to raining, instead of being nice outside, but I do walk back and forth to work every day. I'm hoping I can get 'Just Dance II' for the Wii soon, because it looks like soooo much fun. I also need to find a time to go over to my friend Charli's and play her Kinect (and visit with her ;) because Nate played it a little bit in the Bose store at the mall the other day and it looks kind of cool. And by kind of, I mean...I might want one. Just a little bit.
2. Learn to cook better. I've been doing some different cooking than normal. So far, I've made cauliflower and onion puree with potato rounds and salmot filet, spaghetti with salmon and veggies in a cream sauce, chicken over couscous with fresh squash and zucchini medley, fried eggplant over pasta and home mac n cheese with cauliflower, zucchini, celery and onions (kind of a mac n cheese casserole.) It's a lot of what I'm used to cooking, just put together differently. I have intentions of making apple chips and sweet potato (and maybe regular potato) chips with my new mandolin. I've also come across a recipe for goat cheese and caramelized onion tartlettes which look absolutely delish, so I think I'll try making those (though, they'll probably be more like mini-pizzas, since i'll probably use pre-made pizza dough, and not make tart dough ;) My favorite things I want to try, though, are: stuffed acorn squash (this looks really easy,) spaghetti squash (more labor-intensive than spaghetti, but still looks relatively simple,) and using quinoa, instead of grains, for dishes. Yay for cooking!
3. Eat better. We bought a steamer and a bunch of veggies: fresh cauliflower, carrots, yellow squash, zucchini, celery, onion, cucumber, eggplant, (frozen) brussel sprouts and (frozen) corn. So we've been sauteeing and steaming lots of veggies, either as a main part of dishes or to add to things like pre-made pasta sauce for a little extra oomph. Honestly, I'm feeling so much better. I'm a little tired this week, but I'm chalking that up to not going to sleep early enough and my body adjusting to less carbs and more veggie! I got paid today, so I'm looking forward to going to the market and buying some new veggies to experiment with!
4. Equal amounts computer and real life. I've not been doing this as much as I've wanted, but Nate and I have been playing Wii and trying to sit and talk about our day while we're eating, instead of staring mindlessly at the TV. I'm hoping the weather will permit me to go outside this weekend. At least long enough to go buy some sweaters that are on super-sale at Express ;)
5. Don't give into temptation. CAITLINANDNATEFAIL.COM My sweet tooth took over the other night and we made sugar cookies with icing. They turned out...ok. And thankfully we didn't make that many (ie: we didn't double the recipe, like Nate suggested.) They tasted kind of like shortbread. Which just makes me want to make shortbread. One of the things I miss about hanging out with Ian's family...his Mom's shortbread. Mmmm... On the otherhand, I haven't been buying sodas at work. But Brian did get Beth's order wrong at Starbucks yesterday, so I had a Tall Mocha Chip Frappe with an extra shot of Mocha. It was horrible. And by horrible I mean absolutely DELICIOUS and probably ridiculously calorie-laden.
6. Keep in touch with friends/family. Please see earlier statements. I'm excited about this! Also, I made plans to have dinner with my best friend (for the longest of times, since elementary school,) Jess, who just moved to Seattle, sometime next week. I'm very excited about this!
7. Let go. TBD. I haven't quite figured out how to make this one happen yet. I'm sure an opporunity will present itself.

So all in all, I think I'm doing rather well. I think, also, that it will be good to check up like this every so often (not weekly, but maybe monthly,) to keep myself on track.

In other news: Nate's PB&J Cake Pan arrived yesterday, so we'll probably be making cake this weekend (see response to pact #5 for reference,) and the film for my Instax Camera arrived yesterday, so I'm hoping the weathering is nice this weekend and I can take some mini-polaroids of Seattle and/or Nate and myself with it. I just love the look and feel of polaroid pictures. It reminds me of being a little kid.

I discovered this awesome pictures website, Pixadaus.com, that I keep on my Google Reader. I'm pretty sure I'm using one of the pictures from it as my desktop background right now. Some of the shots are just incredible, and really awe-inspiring.

Also, if you don't follow my Tumblr/Twitter/Facebook page very often, check out this post. It made me cry, sitting at my desk at work. It is incredible. (disclaimer: I know the pic looks weird at first, but read the story, and you'll understand.)

-C

a night to get away

I abhor coming up with titles for blog posts, so they are usually song lyrics. Song lyrics that may or may not have anything to do with the post. Or the song I'm listening to at the moment. Or...anything at all? So just bear with me.

I'm making a New Year's pact (not a resolution...I never follow, let alone remember my resolutions) to write more often. I have such a horrible memory for things, especially every day things, and I feel like keeping a log of events will help me remember. I wish I had done moreso when I was younger. I'm envious of my friends who remember specific moments in high school, because I remember very few. I get a general, overall feeling when I think of high school. Or anything that happened before last week. It's frustrating, and I'd like to actually remember my life in more than just passing blurs and colors. It's why I keep old journals and diaries for as long as I do. I need a chronicle...something outlining what I did. Because I just don't remember.

In any case, the end of the year is fast approaching, so I've been trying to decide how I want next year to go. About things I want to accomplish, and how I want to change how I've been living. Here's what I've come up with:

1. Stop being lazy.
I've had issues with being lazy my entire life. I don't like to work at things, because a lot of things have just happened for me. Or come easily, without much effort. So I'm lazy. I need to stop it. Seriously.
2. Learn to cook better.
Nate loves my cooking, which is good. Also bad, because it means I don't really experiment with flavors or new foods. I stay with what works: pasta, cheese, meat. Usually accompanying or included vegetable. Time for some new recipes. Ones that don't involve copious amounts of cheese. Or pasta. Though I do love both cheese and pasta. Mmmmm. Which brings me to my next point...
3. Eat better.
Get a steamer and fresh veggies. Quit only making dinners that are ready in as little time as possible. Quit buying snacks that are all carbs and sugar. Put less crap in my coffee (ie put only enough crap to make it palatable to drink.) I'm also contemplating a low-carb (or at least less carb) diet. Not gluten free, but more rice. More quinoa (something I've never cooked, I feel so fancy!) More wheat pasta, even though it doesn't taste as good as the regular kind. Less rolls, white bread, white potatoes (more sweet potatoes?) More squash, cauliflower and spinach. Noms.
4. Equal amounts computer and real life.
I mostly mean this in terms of being a real, active person and participating in life. It's hard when you feel super sleep deprived, and I am not going to resolve to give up Facebook games because, let's face it, it isn't going to happen. But if I sit on my ass for 4 of the 6 hours Nate is at work, playing on the computer and watching TV, I will get up after those four hours and at least play Wii Fit games for an hour. Even better, if it isn't raining, I will go outside...to the library or something. Or to Pike Place Market. Or I will go visit Jess, who now probably lives as close to me as she did when we were little kids, in Tallahassee. Or something. Anything. I will get off the couch. Really.
5. Don't give into temptation.
There is no reason to bring cookies, a little debbie Christmas Tree snack AND those two mini Reese for dessert. Just like there is no reason to bring them to work for lunch. Or to eat three helpings of dinner before my stomach realizes it's full because it tastes SO good. They will all still be there tomorrow. Spread the love.
6. Keep in touch with friends/family.
This is going to be hard for me, because (newsflash) I hate the phone. I hate calling people. I feel awkward talking on the phone, even to my family. So friends isn't any better. But I'm going to call people. And talk to them. And I will email! And not just rely on facebook and text messages as my means of communication with people I love. So there.
7. Let go.
I remember being fearless, at some points in my life. Now I've gone back to being scared, whiny, unsure and listless. I'm contemplating the effect the wintertime and lack of sunshine here in Seattle is having on my psyche, and contemplating buying a sunlamp/sunrise alarm clock. Because sunshine is a good thing, and there aren't many days of it here. And there probably won't be until at least April. I must take matters into my own hands.

In other news, I want a kitty. Or a puppy. Something small and soft and furry and ADORABLE. Want.

That's all.

-C